In the Words of Kaa . . . 

Trusssst in Me. Posted by Hello

Okay, I've given some hints that there's problems in the hallowed halls of "Alcatraz". And today's the day I come clean.

My Bitter Half is trying to cheat on me. She has been since sometime in June, when she first signed up to "AmericanSingles.com". Then it was "match.com".

Both of which she denied ever joining.

Then it was to just to meet friends.

Then it was a fluke.

Then I got wind of another site called "cupid.com", yet another online dating service. So I did a search on the site and came across a profile that sounded incredibly like her. Okay, I understate it a bit; it was her. I ain't that stoopid.

Now, what kills me is that I've been pouring my heart out to her for the past week. And everything you see in her profile is almost verbatum of what I've been saying to her. Let me point out a few things:

"Nothing worth having is simple." I said those exact words to her. I told her that no marrigae is easy, every single relationship goes through ups and downs, and we got married for "better or worse". So she goes out and tries to find someone else to apply my logic to instead of fixing things here in our relationship.

"Two people should work on things together and grow with one another." Another one of my desperate pleas about our marriage. Amazing how she's using my love for her and my commitement to our marriage for her own gains.

"A person willing to give of themselves heart and soul and expect the same in return." Did I miss something here? This is exactly what I've been doing for the past 9 years. So why is what I've been doing not good enough?

Don't get me wrong. I know I'm a pain in the ass. I collect toys. I'm a cartoonist who has more ideas than he'll ever be able to finish in a hundred lifetimes. I'm a cartoonist with a streak of bad luck that no-one should ever have to suffer. I'm a stay-at-home father, more comfortable raising my Things and cleaning the house than working as a grunt for slave wages. I'm a homebody, who's sense of adventure and excitement has been dedicated to my Bitter Half for 9 years. I can only listen to classical music, wanting to be inspired rather than distracted.

I care.

And I devoted myself -- solely -- to this woman a long time ago. And I'm fighting still. Hell, we even agreed to seek counseling about these problems; she claims I have issues with trusting her after what my ex-strife put me through (Readers' Digest version: after cheating on me starting 6 months after our marriage, this woman sent me out for pizza and took off with our child, not leaving me so much as a note) and "realizes" she "might" have troubles with commitment because of her own upbringing. So I call for counseling and make my appointment for December 10.

She calls a psychic advisor.

Anyone else see the hypocrisy?

There's a lot more she's been doing to -- what seems to me -- phsyically ruin this relationship. She's got us in debt to the tune of nearly $10000. She "let" me take over the utility bills with $800 for gas, $325 for electric, and $250 for the phone; on $70 a week. She suddenly remembered she "loves" NASCAR racing (something I never knew for 8½ years), and has been buying up related memoribilia like she's expecting it to suddenly become rare and valuable (which, ugly enough, is the same thing she did with the Beanie Baby craze years ago). She hasn't cooked a meal in years. She's given the Things about 4 baths in 12 months. There's literally years of ironing -- her only chore in the house -- still sitting untouched in our bedroom. She comes home late, runs out suddenly, and goes out partying with her "friends" from work.

Even when I see my friend (who I've been best buds with for nearly 30 years) once a week, we make arrangements for him to come to my house, and I limit myself to exactly two beers. My life revolves around this house, this family, these children, this woman.

I don't know why I'm trying so hard. I'm losing sleep, and my health is quickly passing worrisome; I've lost 105 pounds since July from all the stress and I now get regular dizzy spells and chest pains. But that's what I do.

I ain't perfect, but, dammit, I try. I've been working towards being a cartoonist since I was 5. At my job, I run around the store and stock shelves while everyone else is busy chatting away. I have a really bad back (slipped and herniated disc, sciatica is shot, almost constant spasms and I have trouble walking at times), but I still lift cases of beer and soda like they were loads of laundry.

She doesn't know I have this blog. She certainly doesn't know I've made her actions public. I really hope she does catch wind of this.

Not that it would matter. If she can kiss me good-night and still search for something "better", then a touch of public embarrassment ain't gonna matter.

Doc "Dante's Tourguide" Absurd



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